Its been nearly three weeks since Barack (the Wondrous) Obama’s coronation took place in the shadows of the White House and the peevish Democrats are still rampaging through Washington in a reign of terror as riotous liberals seek out and destroy every miniscule reminder of George W. Bush and the conservative party’s legacy of influence as the newly crowned Lord and Master of the Realm arrogantly gazes out over his new subjects distributing gifts on the favored and condemnation on all who would dare to oppose the far left agenda he now stands poised to enforce on the former bastion of freedom and liberty.
On his first day and within brief minutes of his ascension to power, Obama, The Anointed One, revoked Executive Order 13233 and provided full access to the records of former United States Presidents, regardless of the confidential nature of the material many of those records may contain or the damage to U.S. security interests that might ensue.
On his second day in power he ordered all agencies and departments within his administration to “adopt a presumption in favor” of the Freedom of Information Act and restored free access to tons of previously classified documents that can be used by America’s enemies in assessing the value and security weaknesses of potential targets for attack by terrorist groups from outside the country.
On his third day in power, Obama announced the closure of the Guantanamo Bay terrorist detention facility within a year and signed an order demanding that every one of the sadistical psychopaths incarcerated therein be afforded the most humane and politically correct treatment possible regardless of their crimes against humanity.
On his fourth day in power, the Wondrous One revoked the funding ban for groups that provide abortion services and counsel potential parents abroad to kill their unborn children and concludes his day by killing 16 Waziristan villagers and 7 alleged militants in Pakistan (an American ally) as if to demonstrate to the American people that he has the stomach to slaughter human life by remote control.
On his fifth day in power, the new American king addresses his loyal subjects and allows them to bask in the radiance of his arrogant gaze via YouTube.
On his sixth day, the Omnipotent One displays his infinite wisdom with a brief but meandering dissertation of the subject of energy independence. Shortly after, he directs the Department of Transportation to create higher fuel efficiency standards for American automobiles before the 2011 models are released, and follows this up with a directive benevolently allowing individual states to raise their emissions standards above the national standard, thereby freeing the nearly bankrupt state of California to make it all that more expensive and burdensome for their increasingly oppressed citizens to survive in an already harsh economic environment. He concluded his busy day with a heartfelt interview broadcast to his friends, compatriots and possibly campaign contributors in the Muslim world by Al Arabiya, an Arabic-language television news based in the United Arab Emirates, and owned by the Saudi-controlled broadcaster Middle East Broadcasting Center. During this interview, the Lord and Master of the American people spoke openly of his close personal ties to the Muslim world from which he came and extended his hand in a gesture of friendship (from a safe distance) to the broader Muslim world while proclaiming a, “new way forward based on mutual respect and mutual interest.” As if the extent of his whiny subjugation to the powers of the Islamic world were insufficient to get his point across, he implicitly condemned his predecessor’s use of the term “War on Terror” as being counter-productive to the effort to establish a warm and fuzzy relationship with the Islamo-facists who deemed America the land of the “Great Satan” and have dedicated themselves with religious fervor to killing and decapitating American citizens for the last seven years.
On the seventh day, unlike his heavenly counterpart, Obama the Magnificent did not rest. He forged ahead pushing his liberal agenda before him, not unlike the lowly stinkbug rolling his personal collection of balled up dung. During a two-hour meeting with the newly reformed Defense Secretary and the Joint Chiefs at the Pentagon, Obama the Petulant took another offhanded swipe at his predecessor by advising them that the U.S. has relied too much on its military might and too little on diplomacy in dealing with the psychopathic Islamic mass murderers terrorizing the planet. He laid out his intention to abandon the infant democracy struggling to mature in the wastelands of Iraq and announced the beginning of a comprehensive review of U.S. strategy in Afghanistan where he plans to supplement an increased number of American troops with hordes of non-military liberal do-gooders guaranteed to muddy the waters, inject politically correct nonsense into an already difficult situation and make it all that much easier for American liberals to sacrifice young American lives in a hamstrung war effort they associate more with Obama’s predecessor than with the unprovoked attacks of 9-11.
On his eighth full day, Obama the All-Seeing One encouraged more frivolous lawsuits against the evil bastions of corporate America by signing into law the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act which amends the statutory limitations period for filing civil cases against business that may or may not have engaged in discriminatory wage practices years after the fact.
Barack (Blessed be his name) Obama, concludes the first calendar month of the year and his ninth day of rule by appointing Joseph (Flapping Lips) Biden to control a newly formed “Middle Class Working Families Task Force.” The Middle Class Working Families Task Force (MCWFTF) is being publically billed as a “major initiative targeted at raising the living standards of middle-class, working families in America,” but as most mature American citizens are well aware, the term “Task Force” is a Washingtonian code word for any group assigned to handle issues a presidential administration does not want to be bothered with. Along with Joe Biden, Obama added the secretaries of labor, health and human services, education and commerce, the director of the National Economic Council, the Management and Budget office, the Domestic Policy Council, and the chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers to this Chinese fire drill team. With no set budget or teeth in their collective head, this gaggle of bureaucrats will be restricted to whining at the door of the oval office over the relatively unimportant matters related to the creation of “green” jobs (whatever those might be) and the boring concerns of private sector retirement plans, which the current administration views as favoring only the geriatric wealthy who have accumulated their ill gotten gains at the expense of the poor and needy they spent their lifetime abusing.
Ten days into a reign of power that is impressing the American liberals more than it is nauseating everyone else, the little town of Paris, Texas is treated to a racial free-for-all disguised by liberal journalists as a “frank community talk on the long-taboo topic of race.” With a nod from the ever-observant Obama his loyal minions in the Justice Department direct what they call “Conciliation Specialists” to conduct the first of what may be many such events in Paris, Texas and similar southern towns around the nation where the level of alleged racial injustice has yet to meet the expected demands of continuously expanding liberal sensibilities more commonly referred to in conservative circles as politically correct hogwash. Be that as it may, the lackeys of Obama’s Justice Department collared the interested parties of both the White and Black elements enmeshed in the ongoing racial disharmony taking place in the otherwise sleepy southern burg for what turned out to be a fairly one-sided venting wherein the black residents ranted and railed at the whites as they sat on the opposite side of the room silently stone-faced with their arms crossed protectively across their chests. With federal mediators encouraging the assault and three local police cars blocking their retreat the white residents of Paris, Texas were treated to a four hour non-stop screaming rant by black residents incensed by what they view as “Southern Attitudes” of white superiority, the visual insult of the towns large cast bronze confederate memorial, and accusations about the unfair treatment given to convicted black felons in comparison to that given to white convicted felons both of which are undoubtedly in large supply in the remote peckerwood community. At any rate, the little towns soon to be dumped by his constituents Mayor wiped the drool from his fat rubbery lips at the conclusion of this exercise in futility and announced to the world that “Every city should have a dialogue like this,” and as if that were their cue to action, the resident spokeshole for the U.S. Department of Justice announced that they would be offering this “service” to other communities around the nation on an “as needed basis,” which is undoubtedly something we can all look forward to in the future. Obviously, the white supremacists of Paris, Texas haven’t been made aware of the fact that their struggle to maintain superiority has officially come to an abrupt halt and that racism in America is dead and buried in a long forgotten shallow, roadside grave.
On his eleventh day, King Obama sat on his royal butt in front of a mirror and basked in his own magnificence.
Obama the Exalted and Omnipotent, kicked off his February entertainment on the twelfth day of his reign by nominating a handful of tax evaders and corrupt politicians to various high positions of authority within the government, and finishes his day off discussing the Democrat’s economic stimulus plan which is actually nothing more than a liberal ploy designed to pay back the business interests and special interest groups that assisted the Democratic Party’s overthrow of the dwindling conservative government’s feeble hold on power in America.
On the thirteenth day the Blessed Voice of the Almighty announced that from this day forward any company receiving American tax-payer funded bail-out money through the Troubled Assets Relief Program (TARP), which many Americans believe should have been named the Corporate Assets Relief Program (CRAP), would have to comply with the government required cap on executive pay at $500,000 per year. While this might seem to some as the right thing to do it was actually a meaningless gesture and will only force those corporations into finding more creative ways to lavish the tax-payers money on their ethically challenged elitist executives. In fact, before the echo of his masterful voice faded from the ears of those paying rapt attention to such things, the corporations in question had already figured out a half dozen ways around the meaningless gesture of this largely symbolic action. Unsatisfied with this merely futile nod to fairness, our sainted leader concluded his afternoon in a signing ceremony for the twice-vetoed SCHIP reauthorization and expansion which he pointed to as a down payment on his campaign pledge to implement socialized medicine in America. With one sweep of his god-like hand he flourished his signature on the bottom line of the law that will inevitably soak the already beleaguered American tax-payers for billions of additional dollars to subsidize the health care costs for literal legions of illegal alien waifs who, under saner circumstances, would be rounded up and deported.
On the fourteenth day of his magnificent reign, the wonderful one derailed his predecessor’s puny push for energy independence by revoking 77 oil leases in the state of Utah and reclosing much of the American west to the development of the plentiful shale oil resources located therein. The gnat kissing tree huggers of America swooned with joy as their beloved leader predictably placed the welfare of bugs above that of the American people.
On the fifteenth day of his rule I was overcome with nausea at the very though of keeping up with any more current events, tore the newspaper into small shreds, unplugged the computer and went back to bed at 8:30 am with a bottle of cheap tequila. I stayed there throughout the sixteenth and seventeenth days and I am considering the possibility of remaining here in my bed until 2012.
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